Four year old me...afraid of spiders, the dark, bad hair days...
Monday was Halloween and for the first time in many years, I chose not to wear a costume. Instead, I accessorized with a lifelike wood carving of a brown spider, not unlike the brown recluse whose bite sent me into surgery eight years ago.
When I was a child I had a fear of arachnids. It wasn’t as if I had a reason to be afraid, they were sold to me as something to run away from, if possible.
I recall cowering in the corner of our laundry room after noticing a spider passing by where I was playing. It felt like an hour passed before I was rescued by my mother (I blame her for instilling this fear in me. She also hated anything creepy crawly, especially snakes). It was irrational, but that is how fear and loathing begins.
I recall cowering in the corner of our laundry room after noticing a spider passing by where I was playing. It felt like an hour passed before I was rescued by my mother (I blame her for instilling this fear in me. She also hated anything creepy crawly, especially snakes). It was irrational, but that is how fear and loathing begins.
As I grew older, I fell more in awe of the natural world and the interconnectedness of all living things. My appreciation of spiders expanded. Living in the Texas Hill Country where tarantulas and scorpions roam, I saw firsthand how much fear people had of these remarkable creatures but I welcomed their presences. Bigger than my fist, a majestic black tarantula once hung out on the side of our house. My husband and I observed it for a while and decided to just let it be. The next morning, I found a cuter, golf ball sized tarantula next to the dishwashing liquid by the kitchen sink. Thinking my husband plopped a toy version there to spook me, I nudged it with my finger. It hopped up and I jumped as well!
Several years later, I felt a tiny pricking sensation on my left index finger after walking by a shrub in our overgrown backyard. Within 24 hours, what I thought was a thorn scratch turned into an infected cut...and the following day, a black necrosis started to eat away at my skin. My doctor determined that a brown recluse spider had struck me and I was scheduled for surgery three days later to debride the decaying tissue. Today, the scar itself resembles a black widow’s mark.
Although I wouldn’t wish an unfortunate run-in with a spider on anyone, we must embrace our fears and forgive ourselves for any hate or hard feelings felt toward what scares us. It took years for me to overcome my childhood fear of the dark. I took courses in stand up comedy as I feared that sort of public speaking. Not understanding my psychic tendencies, instead of fearing them, I dived into learning all I could about extrasensory perception, remote viewing and mediumship.
Some fears we may have with our mediumship center around protection against unwanted spirits, or performance anxiety around not connecting thoroughly, or even losing control whilst in a trance state. Befriending your fears in mediumship starts with talking about them, to your mentor, fellow students and of course, your spirit guides.
Look at each fear as if it’s a curious specimen and ask, “What are you? Why do you scare me? When do you arise in me?” and finally, “How can we be friends?”
Acknowledge your fears when they arise but turn immediately to what is working right in the moment. Give that the power of your attention. For example, when I practiced stand up, I felt like my jokes were flat and boring. When I examined why, I saw that my anxiety was coming across as a flat, hesitant delivery. When I pumped more energy into my lines and really focused on setting up my story, and enjoying the delicious moment of the punchline reveal, I realized how my nerves were getting in the way of progress. I injected more enthusiasm into practicing my routine.
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